Franchises Collide, And We Get To Watch!

I just finished watching The Incredible Hulk. And I have to say, despite my expectations, it was actually pretty okay. Not that that's a bad thing - on the contrary, what I was expecting was a steaming pile of manure. I saw the first Hulk film, the Ang Lee one, the one we don't talk about in theatres, and I not like that at all. This one actually has a lot of clever moments, most of them homaging the TV series. I never saw it, but from what I hear, it was pretty popular: the eyes glowing green before he transforms, Lou Ferrigno appearing as a security guard, the hilarious appearance of the purple pants. There's also a lot more humorous banter between Banner and Betty, though I wish they'd gone with ANYONE besides Liv Tyler. The Nostalgia Chick is right - all she can do is look sad in slo-mo.

It was no Captain America or Iron Man, but it was okay. And it really makes me a little bit more excited to see what Marvel can do with the Avengers movie. Hulk, the Cap, Stark, Thor, Black Widow and Hawkeye, headed by Nick "sick and tired of these motherfucking snakes" Fury himself. From what I've gathered, the enemies will be Loki wielding the tesseract, and the Skrulls, though not necessarily a united enemy. There's also rumours of a "Leviathan", whatever that is - it's either a really cool production codename for Jormungandr, the World Serpent of Norse myth meant to face Thor at Ragnarok, or it's going to be the name of the SHIELD Helicarrier. And, you know, I'd be okay with the latter - it's a badass name, and it should belong to a badass flying battleship. There's a lot to look forward to - Rogers and Stark facing off, Hulk and a Norse god reacting to the existence of the other, the sheer badass-ness of Black Widow, and Samuel Jackson. But it also makes me wonder what else Marvel will be bringing to screens in the future - they've already started on another Iron Man movie, there are plans for Thor 2 and Captain America 2/Winter Soldier, a SHIELD movie, and either a successor to X-Men First Class or an X-Men 4. Hopefully they keep Brett Ratner away from either/both of them with a repulsor field. That seems to exhaust all the series I know Marvel for, besides the Fantastic Four, but really, I'm not holding any torch for them. Two was enough. But do you want to know who I really want to see a movie about?

 

Agent Phil Coulson.

Yes, Nick Fury's probably getting a movie, and yes it will probably be the closest America has ever come to having a 007 of their own (ignore Vinh Diesel or Ice-T, they really don't count), but making a Coulsen movie would be awesome in entirely different ways. Rather than a straight super-spy movie, you could do a parody/homage movie to the genre. Like Johnny English, if he wasn't incompetent. Like Iron Man, create a badass movie, but inject it with a lot of humour, clever references and twists, and give Coulson a personality that is simultaneously badass and hilarious. He's experienced, a little jaded by now with what he's had to deal with - an egocentric billionaire playboy, a Norse god, an angsty scientist with anger-management issues, and a blond-haired blue-eyed poster child for the American Dream who's confused and bewildered by the world around him. You could play with his jadedness, make it funny. You could also emphasise the fact that he's a grunt, a guy who gets sent to places his bosses consider "beneath" them, that he has to deal with the worst assignments while his coworkers get plump pickings - add a bit of resentment. And, of course, give him a pair of desert eagles, a black suit, and a pair of shades - because he can still be a badass. Surround him with a team that complements but doesn't upstage him, sick him on a modern equivalent of HYDRA, and watch him work. Hell, if there's a bigger movie happening around the same time, have some clever nods! Cap and Iron Man beating Skrull butt? We cut to Coulson and co. slinking through the sewers after their prey, complaining about the noise above. Hulk smashing up downtown Manhattan? Coulson complains about New York traffic. Nick Fury at a United Nations summit that gets attacked by HYDRA? Coulson mutters something under his breath about REMFs.

PHIL COULSON - AGENT OF SHIELD!

It will win all of the awards! All of them!!!!!!!!

I also have to wonder, just why have Marvel had so much theatrical success? Let's count off all the well known Marvel/DC superhero movies, shall we?

Marvel:

X-Men
X-2
X-3: The Last Stand
X-Men: First Class
Hulk
The Incredible Hulk
Spider Man
Spider Man 2
Spider Man 3
Fantastic Four
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Iron Man
Iron Man 2
Thor
Captain America

DC:
Superman
Superman II
Superman III
Superman IV
Superman Returns
Batman
Batman Returns
Batman Forever
Batman and Robin
Batman Begins
The Dark Knight
Green Lantern
Watchmen (I guess???)

I'm not going to count things like Ghost Rider or Catwoman, because when you think of Marvel or DC, you don't think of them. Yeah, the companies own them, but they aren't symbolic. They were also really bad. I'm sure there are some excellent movies out there that Marvel and DC have brought us that I don't list, but the fact that I don't even remember them is telling enough. We see that the Marvel list runs the gammut of quality, from the awful X-3: The Last Stand, to the excellent First Class, Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, etc. Likewise, there are the first two Superman movies, the Tim Burton Batman movies, Singer's Superman Returns, Watchmen, and Nolan's Batman movies, all excellent, alongside films like Superman IV and Green Lantern. Both companies have had hits and misses, and yet it seems like Marvel are winning the film war - after all, they're getting an Avengers out, and looking to be awesome, while DC's plans for a Justice League movie have repeatedly fallen flat. there's also an apparent lack of diversity - let's face it, at the moment all DC have are Batman and Superman, the World's Finest, and though they've produced some excellent and iconic movies, all anyone pays attention to these days is Batman. Or at least, that's all I care about on their side of the aisle. Marvel has so many quality franchises it literally doesn't know what to do with them, and I am excited for a lot of them. I know that DC have The Dark Knight Rises in post-production, and are starting work on Man of Steel. But really, that's all I've heard of coming down DC's pipeline.

I'm not a film critic. I really don't know why DC doesn't seem to be having quite the same success as Marvel with as many franchises. Is it a question of quality over quantity? It is a matter of luck? Is it the notion that Marvel heroes, by appealing to a sense of pathos and marginalisation in society, manages to strike a chord that DC's iconic but uncomplicated (except for Batman) do not? I don't know.

I've talked about what I'd like and am excited about from Marvel, but for DC, the major franchises have all had attempts to produce movies that fell through. Wonder Woman. Flash. Fucking Aquaman! If Aquaman isn't a character demanding an intense and intelligent film treatment, I don't know who is. Pretty much the whole Justice League roster. I guess they could do another Green Lantern movie, and I think they are planning one, and all I can say is I hope it's better than the first.

Funny story. I went and rented a DVD yesterday. In fact, that DVD was Incredible Hulk. And in the shop, I saw that they had placed Green Lantern next to Captain America. Yeah, guess which one was doing better?

I know one thing for sure. I have two movie ticket vouchers. The first will earn me the viewing of the Avengers. The second will take by to The Dark Knight Rises. Totally no conflict of interest. :P